your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
