I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
