Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
