I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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