I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
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You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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