haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
