That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
