he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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