Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
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He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
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I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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