Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
