Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
