at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
