chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize