in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
