i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
