are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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