You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
