Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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