R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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