So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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