the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You pole danced in your parka.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
