A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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