so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
