and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
