I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
operation have a gay friend backfired
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
