I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
