you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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