is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
