I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
