so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
