I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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