Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
