Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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