I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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