The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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