i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
