There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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