I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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