I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
