All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
