after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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