she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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