If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
