I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
