The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Still dying that you shit outside
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
