Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
