you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
