i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
this hospital has no fireball
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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