you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
