How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
