After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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