Can i not drive my cunt home
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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