I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
