ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
