How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
