Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
