It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
