New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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