I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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