I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Randomize
