Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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