remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
