don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
