I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
