There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
