I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
